Hypocrisy Hippo

Things haven't really been the same for the past week now. I guess it still isn't over, the whole thing. It sucks when people don't understand what you're going through and all, when it's not easy to tell them; When the enemy is your very self. All you want to do is distract yourself from the real things in life, because isn't that what everyone's doing? Hell, it might not make you very happy but at least it takes your mind off them. You know sometimes people around you are such big hypocrites, but you can't judge them because you know you're one too. They think they know it all, and that you're just a pretentious asshole trying to rain on their egoistic parade. People don't like their bubbles of reality popped, it's a fact. So they're content in their current state and choose to ignore everything around them, except for what concerns them.

But these people, choosing to ignore the real problems in life, are the same people who complain about poverty, starvation, disasters, poor education and yet everyday they just sit there eating and sleeping away in their own comforts. They know the problem, they give a little every now and then but they don't want to solve the problem. And when people tell them how, they just brush it away because it'll ruin their whole world view and probably guilt them.

These people are the same narcissistic people who think everything in life that is important is about them. They think that everyone else is wrong and they're the only one who knows what they're doing, and where they're going. They think that they're better than everyone else and yet they fail to see the irony, that in the midst of all of their ambition, that nothing actually matters. So what if you dream big? So what if you've already started working toward your future? The fragility of life is such that I don't know if I'll be alive the very next hour, let alone the next day. People know this is true, but they tuck it away in the far corners of their minds and cover it under layers of ignorance, ego, and work. They just don't want to face the reality of death and judgement.

Hypocrisy is the biggest disease among people. Alfred Adler once said that "It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them." Which is very true. I look at people around me, and how many of them actually live up to what they believe in? How many of them are actually living what they believe in? Most Christians turn to God only in bad times and even so how many really trust that he takes care of them? They just pray for help and then carry on trusting on their own efforts to solve problems.

It's very difficult to face up to your own demons. I urge you, who are reading, to re-evaluate your life. What have you accomplished? Are you actually living up to your own morals? Do you actually practice what you preach? Are you truly happy in life? Are you truly contented? One thing about contentment that I've learnt is that it's not easy to achieve. Most people think that they are, but when you start questioning them they tell you they can't live without a lot of things. The true test of contentment is in times of want. Many people tell me, "I'm finally contented because I have (a certain thing that they've always wanted)." But is that true contentment? Can you truly say, "I'm contented because I don't have what I want, but I still have air to breath, clothes to wear, shelter to sleep under and food to eat." or "I am contented because I have God." Are you truly contented with life?

For Christians: Have you ever prayed to God and not asked Him for anything? But that you were just thankful for His beautiful creation?

For Non-Christians: What is it you hope to obtain in life? Achieve in this fragile reality? If your existence is that of a light bulb, that may switch off any second. Why do you work so hard for? If the world were billions of years old, and your existence is a mere fraction of history, almost seemingly worthless. Even people who made history, don't matter? What's 100 years ago, compared to billions of years later when the world would crumble to dust and everything cease to exist?

Starbucks and Teenage Rebels

Today was arranging class as usual. Surprisingly this semester's arranging class is really fun, and I haven't been skipping it at all. Unlike songwriting, which is getting more boring. So after that was CS, and then jamming. Boring, and sleepy day. Really hot, and all I wanted to do was sleep. At night tried to do some work, and finished most of my REMT assignment, save the mastering and burning part. So went to meet Dhanish and his friends at Clarke Quay to Rebel. I now remember why I don't club.

I went because I was bored, but today was more boring than usual. If it wasn't for the fact that there weren't many people, and the alien song list, I might have enjoyed it. But I didn't. And the night sucked because all I wanted was to sit down, have coffee and chat, but I ended up dancing and grooving on the dance floor, where I shouldn't have been anyway. I drank half a glass of whiskey coke, and I realized I still hate it (after that incident). So yay! Almost 20 bucks to remind myself why I shouldn't club again. Seriously, I don't enjoy it. But it beats staying home.

Left early and just reached home. I'm sleepy, but I don't want to sleep just yet. Tomorrow's a holiday, hopefully there'll be people who are free to go out because I don't wanna be stuck at home alone on a perfectly fine public holiday.

No story, my mind's too tired to think.

Not So Much A Good Thing - Just Highly Venomous and Possibly Counter-Productive

So I realized I've gotten skinnier in the past few days. Might be the stress, or the fact that I'm vegetarian. My sisters still haven't gotten over the fact that I'm vegetarian now. I do think about, and miss, awesome (meat) food like BBQ chicken wings, rib-eye steaks, Popeye's chicken, chilli crab, steamed fish and all that other stuff. I might become a non-vegetarian some time in the future. But for now I've gotta exercise a little self-control. No it's not for health reasons in case you're wondering. I've also been eating significantly less, about 1-2 meals a day, which is a good thing in a way because I've kinda accomplished what I set out to do. No it's not to save money, just in case you were wondering.

One thing that has been on my mind lately is the maturity of people, no particular person, in general. Everyone likes to think that they're in control of the situation; that they know what's best for themselves; that the whole world doesn't understand. It's true that most people don't understand you, or what you're going through, but that doesn't discount it's validity. They immediately go on the defensive mode and start arguing instead of actually trying to see things from the other person's point of view. Everyone likes to think that they're smarter than everyone else - myself included. It's easy to give advice when you're looking at things from the third-person POV, but when you're actually involved in it your judgement usually gets clouded. I'm not saying I'm free from all these, but at least I'm aware of what's going on and I try - ever so often - to look at things with an open mind, something which a lot of people do not have - an open mind.

Everyone is opinionated, yes, but that doesn't everything is subjective. If I said the sky was green, I would still be wrong despite whether it's my opinion or not. Opinions have to be backed by facts or evidence, not plainly by subjectivity. I used to think that all music was considered art, until I realized that some people are just doing it for the money. But even that itself can be art, if the artist is true to his intentions. Specifically hip-hop artists, who rap and sing about money and bling, they're true to their intentions and that can be called art because they put their emotions into rhyming about money and women.

There are those who think they know a lot of things, but head knowledge doesn't account for true knowledge. There is a whole category in philosophy called Epistemology, which is basically philosophy in knowledge. Experience itself might not account for knowledge, what your five senses tell you may not be what actually is. Experience is always biased; perception is always colored. So knowledge is really a very grey area, do you actually know anything at all? I'll end off with a story, which is not mine, to get you thinking.

There was a farmer who owned a cow. He had a whole herd of cows but one, Sally, was his prized cow because she was his first cow, and he took great care of her - resulting in her producing exceptional quality milk.


Everyday the farmer would let his cows into the field to graze while he went about his daily chores, occasionally checking back to see if Sally was doing alright. She would always graze by the lone tree in the distance, and because the farmer's eyesight was failing, he couldn't really see too far.


Whenever he looked by the tree, he would see a blurry figure by the tree that was black and white and he would then know Sally was there. In his mind, he knew Sally was there because he saw her by the tree.


John, the local truck driver, drove past the field one day and noticed something strange - that there was a white cloth with black patches hung beneath a tree. He found it weird and decided to ask the farmer what it was. He went over to the farmer who was feeding the horses and pointed to the tree, asking "What's the over there beneath the tree?"


The farmer promptly replied, "Son, don't you know a cow when you see one?" The truck driver was perplexed. He asked the farmer if he was sure and the farmer replied with confidence, "Yes, of course. Don't you see that figure beneath the tree? It's my prized cow, Sally over there."


Did the farmer know that the cow was there?

With God All Things Are Possible

So today didn't particularly turn out to be a good day, but I praise God nonetheless for his goodness. Woke up at 12 plus and did my morning devotional after a very long time. I could feel God speaking to me and I immediately emailed my Pastor about this. She sent me a paper that she wrote some time ago, on the faith. It was an interesting read though it seemed very familiar. Anyway I still read it again.

I'm finally happy with my life at this point because I feel that I've passed another major obstacle, with the help of God, and my faith is once again renewed. As you may know, I've always wondered what Love, Joy and Peace truly was and how I can experience it. I urge my fellow Christian friends to seek this too, because it will definitely change your life for the better. True love is loving despite the other party not reciprocating the gesture; it's turning the other cheek; giving up your cloak and tunic. True joy is rejoicing and praising God despite whatever bad situation you may be in because you find joy in living and God. True peace is being free of worry even though everything might not fall in place, or turn out the way you thought it would be.

Today I was supposed to have a drum recording session in school, but I had to go all the way to Turf City before that for a half hour lesson. Dragging my 10kg cymbal bag and another bag with my sticks, file, cymbal stand and clamps and books, I took a cab all the way there - only to end up waiting for nothing. Also Tera, who was supposed to help me with my recording, told me he was sick. I didn't want to make my trip for naught, so I went anyway. Set up and did everything myself, recorded a few not-so-great takes and packed everything myself. It wasn't as productive as it was supposed to be, but I guess it's better than nothing. I can now edit it and probably dub over parts I need to change in the comfort of my own home.

Perhaps the greatest challenge in life is contentment and control. So many people are motivated by money, passion, and material things that they end up so unhappy, upset and blinded by it. Don't let the flesh and earthly riches control you, because they rob your soul of true happiness.

A little boy found a lamp one day in his garden, he rubbed it and out came a genie. As usual, the genie said he could grant the boy 3 wishes. The boy lived in a poor neighborhood and he always dreamed that one day he could be rich. So for his first wish, he asked for a million dollars. The genie granted him his wish and in his garden, appeared stacks of legal tender bills.


The boy was happy, but he remembered something. He had made a pact with his best friend that whoever became rich first would share their wealth with the other person. So the boy honored his promise and wished his friend 1 million dollars too. The genie granted him his wish.


The boy felt satisfied because now the both of them could have as many toys as they wanted. He had one more wish but he didn't know what to wish for. He remembered his mother telling him once about all the poor people around the world not having enough food to eat and how some of them couldn't even afford to go to school or to see the doctor when they were sick. So since he had one more wish, he decided to wish that everyone in the world have 1 million dollars. The genie granted him his wish and immediately every house on that street began to be flooded by bills. The boy thought he was doing everyone a favor so he went back in and watched TV.


When he turned on the TV, he switched to the news segment to see what the world thought about his good deed. But instead of seeing that everyone was happy, it was chaos. People started going out and buying things and people were rioting and looting because there were not enough real goods to sell to people. Many stores closed because the owners didn't have a need for money anymore. Those that remained opened increased their prices by almost hundredfold because everyone had so much money that it was no longer valuable. The stock market began to crash as currencies inflated and people began to rob and loot as money could no longer buy them what they wanted. People began fighting and killing each other in order to obtain the money that were strewn all over the ground. The world was in chaos.


The value of something increases only when it is scarce. Control it's supply and you control it's value. Create a demand for it and control the supply and people will work their lives off in order to obtain it. That's how you control people; that's how you control nations.

You Know You Can't Rollerskate in a Buffalo Herd

Today I had a chat with my Pastor about some issues that have been bothering me. Over the past week it seemed that I've been experiencing a more intense spiritual battle, more than ever. But after that talk, God spoke to my heart and I'm glad the whole ordeal is over. The torment is finally over. Praise the Lord for his goodness, His Love endures forever.

There was a rock who was sitting on top of a mountain, which overlooked all the kingdoms of the Earth. The view was splendid and the rock felt like he ruled over all he surveyed; it felt like a king.

Every day it would fantasize about how all the peoples of the earth were bowing to him, but this was of course just an impossible dream for he was still nothing but a rock.

So one day the rock turned to the tree and said, "What's the point of being above all and being free of suffering and labor if you still are unable to rule the world?" 

The mighty tree just stood there and didn't say a word. 

Life and Illusions

I woke up on Friday and a thought popped into my mind, "Where would today take me?" It was an ordinary school day like any other day but I didn't want it to be. I didn't want to be stuck in the same old routine, doing the same old things, seeing the same old people. I wanted to go out and live my life. But I didn't expect it to end like how it did. It's 0748h and I haven't slept since I woke up at 0930 on Friday morning.

So today's quirky story would actually be about my day, and lessons God taught me through it all. I'll skip most of it and go to the important parts.

The day started out like any other day - had REMT class, went to jam and learned a new song, went back to work on the song that I wrote on the bus on my way to school that morning, and then went to Funan in the evening. Left school at about 6. After returning my hard disk to Seagate for exchange, I had nothing to do. It was too early for dinner, so I went to Starbucks at Dhoby Ghaut hoping to catch her there. But she just left when I got there so I didn't managed to catch her at all. But I got myself a drink, took out a piece of paper and started writing.

I wrote a draft for another song, that I haven't gotten chords for yet. It's based on one of my previous stories about the boy and the kite. When I finished writing the song, I went to take 106 to go home - or so I thought. I didn't really want to go home.

When the bus stopped by Somerset, I looked into Scape and saw that the lights were on. So I thought I'd just pop by to see how things were. So went back and saw the usual few and hung out for a while and also helped them bring the stuff down and set up the stage. They needed manpower and I just happened to be there. Then after we were done at about 2+, we headed off to Meridian to play L4D 2 until 430 in the morning. I've never played the game before so I kept getting owned until I got bored of it.

Anyway, at 445 there wasn't anymore buses to take me home and everyone stayed in the east. So they left me alone in the middle of town. I decided to walk as far as I could from there. It was a good walk. I followed the road all the way to Orchard, then to Tanglin, then past Dempsey Hill, and to Holland Village. It was about 6+ when I got there, the Sun was almost up. Then I saw a park connector through Holland V so I decided to take that route, instead of following the main road. I asked a guy where it ended and he told me Clementi. I thought it wouldn't be too far off from the station so I walked all the way from one end to the other. Then I ended up in someplace I've never been before; somewhere in Clementi. Then I saw another park connector so I decided to follow it too. I asked the guy where it ended and he said it was a dead end, so I asked where Clementi was. He pointed out the direction to me and I went there. So I walked where he said and I ended up at Clementi, the Sun was fully up already at 7. So I decided to end my walk at the 188 bus stop.

Along the way I saw this Indian man who was doing something strange. He would walk for a short distance, take off his shoes, and then take out all his personal belongings: keys, coins, wallet, and money out of his wallet. After which he'd put them neatly on the floor and sit down. He wouldn't sit down for long too, he's just sit and stand immediately after. Collect all his belongings and carried on. Initially I walked past him because I didn't know what he was doing and my feet were tired and the bus stop was just up ahead. So I went to the bus stop.

But while waiting for the bus, I saw him approaching. So since the bus hadn't arrived, I walked up to him and asked him what he was doing. He ignored me at first, so I asked if he spoke any English. He smiled and gestured that he couldn't speak. So I asked him whether he was practicing some sort of ritual, he nodded and he drew a symbol in the air and pointed to the sky. I didn't know what it was, so I just walked with him a short distance and went back to sit down. But he kept doing it, and somehow something was telling me to follow him.

Just at that time, the bus came. I had to choose either to take the bus home and finally shower and rest my feet or to follow his man. Something was urging me strongly to follow the man so I didn't board the bus and followed him. I decided not to walk beside him but to watch him from a far, so as not to disturb him. After a while he turned and noticed me. He smiled but then he began to cross the road a short distance ahead. I thought he was trying to avoid me. But then I realized he was going towards a Buddhist temple. So before we officially parted ways, he turned and waved and I waved back. Up to now I have no idea what he was doing. But this thing he was doing connected to me immediately. He was walking for his god. Most people who passed him would probably have thought that he was a crazy old man and left him alone. But it somehow drew my attention.

I've read books and heard of a lot of saints making pilgrimages, walking and walking for days until their feet swell and hurt and yet they didn't complain. They were willing to suffer for their beliefs, to free themselves from the flesh. That was one thing I learned while walking from Somerset to Clementi. On the way I was singing and praising God, I greeted brother Bird and sister Cat, and the entire walk helped me focus on God and the wonders of his creation. You might not believe me, but even though I walked all that distance for 2 and a half hours, I felt that I still had the strength to run. I wanted to go for a morning jog to continue but I realized that we shouldn't take it too far. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, but sometimes taking it to the extreme is not a good thing to do. The whole course of my walk was so fulfilling that I am unable to record down every single thing I've learned in such a short period of time.

You may think that I'm crazy, and it's true - I am crazy. But who's the real insane one? You or me? My feet doesn't really hurt now, though. Thank God for awesome Hush Puppies shoes.

Sometimes Light Makes You Suicidal

Everyday I wake up and I realize I'm still alive. I'm not doing anything important and am just going through mundane routine exercises daily. Perhaps compared to other less fortunate people, I'm kinda better off in my own way. But truth be told, it's not pleasant being me. Sometimes I want to go back to when I was just a kid and shut off my mind. Tell myself to just grow up and be enslaved in the system, it's better to live in ignorance than to live in awareness and in constant torture. The worst of it being no one to share this pain with. I'm glad I have God, but sometimes the body just doesn't know it. The physical world is really a funny thing, I look at everything around me and I wonder what the hell I'm here for. I have something waiting for me, in a better place far away from here, and yet I'm just standing there. I see people walking by and I wonder if they're really happy. I'm still young, and there are a lot of things I don't know. But I see these people and I see bliss in their ignorance, and I feel like crying. Not because I'm sad, but because the world is a dark, dark place. I'm supposed to be the light of the world, but how can I shine if I can't harness and understand how to draw power from the source that would power me.

This post needs to story, for life is a story in itself. Just look around.

When Life Gives You Lemons, Take It - It Helps Distract You From Evil Things

Hello people. I'm so happy today because I've completed 99% of Songwriting A2, Completed 85% of MUMI A3 and Songwriting A3, Songwriting A4 is going smoothly, I've completed 70% of REMT (have to add strings, mix and master it, and report), and POD 1 and 2 are progressing rather alright (except for the website and animation).

Just some points I'd like to address to a good friend of mine, regarding life and all that jazz. It's also a good self-reflection on my personal life.

1. Advice is personal. I used to think that when you listened to peoples' problems they wanted your advice. But now I realized that's not the case at all. People just want to vent their frustrations, and get everything out and spread out so they can organize and solve it themselves. That, and not looking like a crazy person talking to themselves. Unless they ask you for it, it's best to shut up. This I learnt from countless failures. But a funny thing about advice is that it's personal. What works for someone may not work for others, more often than not it won't work. There's no good advice, just as there is no bad advice. And one should always take it with a pinch of salt.
2. I know I'm not really a pleasant person and sometimes I take it too far with the criticisms and sarcasm. Though I try not to do that too much, sometimes I just can't help it. And as much as I'd like to apologize, I'm not the sort of person who gets emotional and sorts. So to everyone I've wronged out there, I'm really sorry.
3.  The funny thing about people is that they want what they can't have. The harder it is to achieve, the more they want it..and the moment they get it, they move on. That's life, it's very hard to treasure what you have when you don't know what it's like not to have it.
4. Life is a funny thing. No matter what you achieve on earth, it'll all result in nothing. What is 100 years compared to eternity. He who hangs on to his life will lose it, and he who loses it for God will keep it. Life is death, and death is life - that's the irony of it. That's why I'm looking forward to the day I die, because life on earth is not worth it.
5. Sometimes no matter how hard you look for lime, life just gives you lemons and put mulberry bushes to fool you. That's life, not everyone has the privilege to do what they want to do. But then again, is life about doing what you want to do, or what God wants you to do. It's a personal struggle for me, and I still can't release my kite no matter how hard I want to. My fingers are clenched together and stuck that way.
6. I'm glad that I told my parents that I loved them and how much I appreciate them. Even though I know that they know I do, they're doing a dangerous work for God. And who knows if God calls either of my parents or me back to his presence, at least I'll know that I've told them. I really appreciate my dad for being my mentor and my mom for being there for me through a lot of things. Parents are great people.
7. Contentment is one of the human race's greatest struggles among all things. Material things, due to their temporal value, do not last. Thus they are never enough. That's why I'm trying hard to give up on material things. That's not to say that I've succeeded or that I'm gonna sell everything, but I'm learning to give everything up to God. And if I can, one day I'm gonna sell all my belongings and live the simple life. For I believe man can subsist on Love, Music and God alone.
8. Talent is a funny thing. Do read my story about the Goats.
9. Enjoy life and look forward to death. The world is evil and grim, but do you have anything to look forward to in the afterlife? Or do you believe in no afterlife? No matter how bleak life may seem, find joy in the littlest things; trees, flowers, butterflies, rabbits, kittens, ice, mountains, Love. For with Love, life will be much better.
10. God is just
11. Matthew 5:48 "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."
12. Life is a dream. We go to sleep and wake up in death, and there you find Life, as a dream.

Today's story is not original, but it's a very interesting one. Many people read it and just look on the surface, they think they know the meaning of the story and they just tuck it into the back of their minds. Read this again, and reflect on the author's true intention of the story and what it means to be a "frog in a well".

There was a frog that lived in a shallow well.

" Look how well off I am here ! " he told a big turtle from the Eastern Ocean. " I can hop along the coping of the well when I go out, and rest by a crevice in the bricks on my return. I can wallow to my heart's content with only my head above water, or stroll ankle deep through soft mud. No crabs or tadpoles can compare with me. I am master of the water and lord of this shallow well, What more can a fellow ask ? Why don't you come here more often to have a good time ? "

Before the turtle from the Eastern Ocean could get his left foot into the well, however, he caught his right calw on something. So he halted and stepped back then began to describe the ocean to the frog.

" It's more than a thousand miles across and more than ten thousand feet deep. In ancient times there were floods nine years out of ten yet the water in the ocean never increased.

And later there were droughts seven years out of eight yet the water in the ocean never grew less. It has remained quite constant throughtout the ages. That is why I like to live in the Eastern Ocean. "

Then the frog in the shallow well was silent and felt a little abashed.

Have a great day. 

Death And Other (Un)Related Stuff...

I used to hear of people doing stupid things for the "adrenaline rush" all the time. I never understood why people did things that I would consider stupid. Like the people from Jackass, who constantly put their lives at risk for no reason other than entertainment. I never understood why people pulled dangerous stunts, why people would take things to the extreme. I could never comprehend that - until now.

I've always been afraid of heights, but I've always loved the feeling I get when I'm standing on the edge of a really high place; when I cross the yellow line at the MRT station; or when I try to balance on a small platform and look up into the sky. Somehow that feeling just excites me, I can literally feel my whole body come alive - trying hard to stay alive in the face of "danger". My mind knows that I'm safe, but my body somehow just activates it's adrenaline release.

When I'm high up, I always imagine that I'm falling. I like the feeling. Closing my eyes, and I want to jump off a high building. Not to suicide of course, just to free fall forever. I've never had to opportunity to sky dive though. But if I could, I definitely would. But what I hate are those carnival rides where they strap you to a seat and rise slowly and plunge suddenly. I don't particularly enjoy those thrills; I want to dive, not plunge.

When I'm standing by the road side, waiting for the pedestrian light to turn green and I see an oncoming car. I always feel this urge to just jump in front of it. It might sound like I'm crazy, but apparently I have friends who feel the same way. So it's not so bad, at least I'm not alone. Perhaps one of these days I should try it. Not in Singapore, though. It's too much of a hassle.

Which brings me to the point of me hating living in Singapore. Sure, it's a safe country. Low crime rate, virtually no disaster rate, good education (really?), health care (really?), multi-racial and religious. Basically Singapore is safe: both socially, geographically, and economically. But personally that is precisely the reason why I want to leave this country. I feel no disdain towards the people or government. Sure, it may work for some people - just not me. There are a lot of things I want to experience that I cannot experience here in Singapore. We have virtually nothing on this tiny tropical island - no seasons, no mountains, no villages, no cottages, no waterfalls, no huge bustling cities, no international celebrities, not much good music, etc.

Many of you can tell that I have a certain adoration towards nature. I'm no tree hugger, definitely. I'm just absolutely fascinated by the beauty, perfection and completeness of Nature. The peacefulness, sweetness, and beauty is astounding. My vocabulary, unfortunately, is too limited and is unable to adequately express my love for Nature. Nature, Music and Love are the 3 things that I thank God for. It is these 3 things that connect directly to all 3 aspects of a person: body, soul and spirit.

It is my dream to retire in either one of the following places: a tribal area in South Africa, an Amish settlement, farmland in New Zealand, or in some Celtic-esque town in Europe. I've recently grown fond of Celtic music, or European folk music. I find it very interesting and it's one of the few genres that when I listen to it, I can close my eyes and immerse myself in it. I enjoy various other genres too - jazz, funk, latin, rock, pop, and blues - but only few genres really speak to me, namely a lot of European music - folk, chamber, theatrical, art songs, orchestral - and Ambient, Neo-classical (modern classical), some other 20th Century music, and game music. Basically I like music that you can sit down, listen, close your eyes, and relax, and are connected very much to nature and space.

Anyway, how did I come to this subject? Let's get back to the topic on death. I've always been fascinated by death, even though I know where I'll be going in the afterlife. I've always found a strange fascination with the Grim Reaper, 4 Horsemen, and Dark Ages even though I don't really live my life around black. I'm not goth or "emo", and I don't really read much into these topics (or have not, I might in the future). But as much as I like to think about death, it's sad that people always find it grim. I see death not as a bad thing, but as an escape - escape from an evil world, escape into the afterlife. I thought about the Venus project and after talking to my dad a bit (who is my mentor in life, love you Dad), he got my thinking. Isn't everyone aiming for Utopia? Plato discussed about the Republic, Science is aiming to create a better world free of disease and labor, Religions aiming for a morally pure society on Earth. But after reflecting on it, I realized it's pointless. As long as people are ignorant about what's happening in the world, nothing will change. The poor will remain in poverty, resources will keep being depleted, forests destroyed, economies crashing and recovering in cycles, etc. Perhaps that's what heaven is. Heaven will be free of sin; free from evil people who would all be in hell. No more crime, no more politics, no more money, just God's creations, love and music. That is heaven.

I've come to understand that people are much to busy solving their own problems to even begin to worry about bigger problems. People worry about how to keep their jobs to put food on the table, to think about dissecting the monetary system that is enslaving them. No one wants to think too much, every day poses enough problems for itself, and people are unable to see the bigger picture.

Perhaps life's too short too, but if I had a choice I would end it now and finally enter Paradise - which is God. I have a personal religion which is God. I don't want to label myself as a Christian, for it is a religion that has too many negative connotations to it's name. And with it comes various responsibilities relating to the label of being a Christian. I believe the bible is God's word, I believe that Jesus came to save us, I don't believe that God wants us to live our lives following a set of rules in order to enter heaven. He wants us to form and maintain a growing relationship with Him, and that is my religion - my religion is God. Throw the 'isms' out the window for only the insecure and elitists would want social segregation among people. I believe God is living and that He can think, and work on His own. I don't have to tell him what to do, and I definitely don't need to do anything for Him. He is entirely capable. Everything I do is for myself, to save my soul, to help me grow as a person, to help me grow closer to him. I do things for myself, but I'm not self-centered - I'm God-centered.

It's a difficult life to lead, trust me. And I fall more often that not, always straying farther away from the Shepard. But praise be to God for he always calls me back into His arms. Always keeping me close and never letting me stray too far away. Many a times I've been tempted to enter the wolves' den. When one studies the enemy too in depth, he risks thinking and becoming one of them as well. I used to fear that one day I would learn something that would cause me to lose my faith. But then I learned that a faith never challenged is no faith at all. I don't know if it's been said, but I thought of it myself. I trust that God, in His sovereignty, will always reveal the Truth to me and so far I've not strayed. God is great.

Of course I cannot end without a quirky nonsensical story. So here it is:

There once was a boy who built a kite. He wanted to fly the kite so high that it would reach the heavens and hopefully God would notice it. On the kite he attached a note which was addressed to God, asking for a toy he wanted very badly.

He went out into the open field and flew the kite. It went high up into the clouds but the string wasn't long enough to reach heaven. So he pulled it back in and made the string longer. He tried again but it still wasn't long enough. He went back and forth several times, each time the kite couldn't fly high enough to reach the floors of heaven.

The sky was darkening and a thunderstorm was approaching. But the boy was determined to fly the kite until it reached heaven. He went out into the open field and flew the kite. It began to drizzle, then a shower came and finally it rained. 

The rained got heavier and heavier and the kite was thrown back and forth in the sky. Suddenly a flash of lightning cracked across the sky. It found the kite and struck it - sending a current of electricity down the kite towards the boy. Without time to release the kite, the boy was struck and he fell to the ground. The kite was released and it rose higher and higher until it reached heaven.

The boy wound up at the Pearly Gates and was immediately summoned into the hall. He walked through the huge doors and stood in front of God. He saw that God was holding in his hands the very kite that the boy made and he was reading the letter addressed to him. 

I need not continue the story. But if you get the message behind the story then God bless you.

Good night.

P.S. I'm coughing really badly. 

Aberration and Olive Oil..and Overdose of Chocolate

I think I'm allergic to chocolate. Had Swensen's sticky, chewy chocolate just now for dessert and I started having red patches on my neck, throat and ears. I was never a dessert person, now I have a reason. Maybe except for Chinese desserts, no cakes and ice-cream for me.

So today is Lenus' birthday - or at least for the next hour - went to Swensen's for dinner, because Aston's isn't Halal. Was quite alright, after that I walked on my bad ankle all the way from ION to Park Mall, I kinda stressed my ankle from my morning jog. Anyway my legs are crying right now, but I don't care. Trying to injure myself as much as possible, I'm crazy.

One thing I hate about being me is that there is virtually no intelligent person to talk to. I'm not insulting my friends, but it's understandable that people tend to avoid intelligent conversations because most of us hate to think. Which is something that really perplexes me. We think all the time, or at least I do, but we always keep our thoughts to ourselves. We get "revelations" and we chuck them to the far corners of our mind, never reflecting upon them; never learning more about life.

I look at trees and I see more than plants. I see hundreds of years; I see God's work; I see the dependence of the human race on trees. And yet people look at trees and they say "Ok, it's just a tree. What so great about it?" I know you know that trees, or all plants in general, are vital in the oxygen cycle that actually keeps you alive. Trees are also vital in the carbon cycle and water cycles on Earth. All these slip past your conscious mind and remains hidden behind pointless things like money, friends, and enjoyment. How much more ignorant can you be? And moreover when I try to bring up conversations that are potentially thought-provoking, especially for me. No one wants to entertain me. How much can I know by always discussing ideas with myself? Never hearing the views of others, and being bombarded by the close-minded elitism and egotistical bullshit of certain individuals. How much more willfully ignorant can people be?

I can read and read and read and read on everything in the world, but what is knowledge that is not shared? What is knowledge that is not dissected, challenged, and possibly destroyed? What I have are personal opinions, I do not have knowledge on anything because I have not come to a point where I am certain about something. The only knowledge I have is God, and yet even this is not being challenged. It's a sad world; as I often say - and will continue to say - the human race is getting more evil, stupider and weaker. We will wipe ourselves out very soon, and I welcome that day with open arms.

A man was walking through a large field and he came upon a rock. He sat down beside the rock and introduced himself to the rock. He explained all the wonders of the world that was beyond the very field they were on - the majestic cities, the dangerous mountains, the deep oceans. He talked about the creation of the world, economics, science, politics, religion and everything one could think of. 

After divulging all these information to the rock. The rock replied, "..."

I'm falling sick, sick of the world. 

Money Makes the World Go Round....Or Was It Love? I Can't Remember.

Money is the root of all evil. Some say that the LOVE of money is the root of all evil, but I disagree. Money itself is evil, the existence of money is the root cause of most evils caused in our society - crime, politics, war, monopoly. You name it.

That's why I'm a supporter of The Venus Project, but not everything it stands for. For every cause there are pros and cons to it. Check it out Here and learn more about it from Wiki. I do not necessarily agree with every thing this cause stands for, but I support it's fundamental concepts - which is to promote a resource-based society and not a money-based society. I believe it's the only way to end world starvation, poverty, war, disease, etc. However this must be coupled with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. The Venus Project promote a utopia where everyone is not selfish, however this is impossible as it also promotes atheism.

"I have no story to tell today, but I have truth to speak. If only you ask of me, but you willfully live in ignorance. And therefore we live day by day in the slavery of other men," said the farmer to the bartender.

People can grow horns, only if...

Today was one of the most fun school days of my 2 plus years in school. Arranging was fun even though me and Celester was fail. Were supposed to do an interlude for Michelle Branch's Everything. I was excited because I had an idea in my head to do a down-tempo interlude. Celester was indecisive as usual, or he just didn't want to voice out his ideas, so we went ahead with mine. We only had about an hour to do this. So we tried to find synth sounds, synth lines and all that. After 45 minutes, we realized it'll take too much time so we deleted everything. In the end all we had was this crappy guitar solo with fail tapping. We suck.

After that was free lunch buffet courtesy of SP and our thick skins. Nothing much to say about CS. Fast forwarding to an interesting conversation between Shun and Leon, which in the end a few of us got involved. I knew where both sides were coming from, and agreed and disagreed with some things that were said, but I tried to stay out of it. So anyway, if Shun or Henry ever reads this, do try to understand what my story means. And do remember that, as they say "all analogies break down at some point". But the main point still stands, one non-parallel point doesn't invalid the entire argument. Enjoy.

In the land of Normandee, there was a large lush pasture. On this pasture there lived a herd of goats and between this herd, there were mainly 2 species of goat: the horned and the hornless. The horned goats were highly regarded as the horns represented masculinity, supremacy and nobility. Moreover, there was nothing the hornless goats could do to fight against them.

It was known that the horned goats could lose their status by shedding their horns or having their horns torn off by other horned goats, but hornless goats could not up rise in status because there was no way that hornless goats could sprout horns out of nowhere. These goats accepted their fate.

One day there was a commotion amidst the herd. Apparently one of the hornless goats claimed that he knew a hornless goat who grew a pair of horns overnight. His secret - he had jumped up and down enough times. This caused an uproar among the goats because if it was true, then there would be a social disruption. Hornless goats could rise in status and fight against the horned goats who had previously made their lives miserable. There might be hope after all.

The deal was simple. A hornless goat basically had to jump up and down, with one foot off the ground for a sufficient number of times. It was not mentioned specifically how many times. If you did not jump using the proper way, with one foot off the ground, the horns would not grow. This goat, Jim, who brought the news was immediately held in high regard, and many went to ask for his advice. One day Billy, one of the hornless goats in the herd came up to Jim and said,

"Hey Jim, so all I have to do is jump, right?"

"Yea, once you jump enough times using only 3 feet, the horns will grow."

So Billy jumped with one foot off the ground. He jumped for 5 minutes and asked,

"So, is this enough?"

Jim replied, "Have you grown any horns yet?"

"No."

"Then keep jumping, you probably haven't jumped enough."

So Billy carried on jumping for the next 2 hours. He finally stopped and asked,

"So, is this enough?"

Jim replied once more, "Any horns growing yet?"

"Not yet."

"Then keep on jumping, you probably still need to jump more."

So Billy went on jumping. Everyday he jumped for 8 hours, and still no sign of any horns growing soon. Finally he went to Jim, furious.

"You told us that if we jumped enough times, horns would grow. I've been jumping for 8 hours everyday for the past 3 months and yet not even the smallest hump is on my head. What's going on?"

Jim replied, "I told you that if you jumped enough times, horns will grow. If you haven't grown any horns, it's because you've not jumped enough. Plus you might be jumping wrongly, you're supposed to jumped with one foot off the ground AND every time you land you have to bend your knees. Have you been doing that?"

"No, but can you guarantee it'll work?"

"Yes, I assure you. Just do everything I said, and when you've jumped enough horns will grow. I promise."

Billy went back and continued. This went on until he finally died of exhaustion. The other goats heard about this and gathered around Jim demanding explanations. One of them asked,

"We heard about Billy's death and it is said that he jumped so much but not a single horn grew. We demand an explanation."

Jim calmly replied, "It's simple really. He hasn't jumped enough."

Tom, from among the crowd stood up and asked, "So when will we know how much is enough? You wouldn't tell us. No one knows!"

Jim responded, "Well you'll know you've jumped enough when your horns grow."



Caught onto the bullshit story yet? Now on to Part II of the story.

In the herd of goats, the females were generally separated by species. The horned males found the hornless females too dirty and low-class and the horned females were kept by their mates and not allowed to mingle with the hornless. Thus it was not known that Thomas, the horned and Miriam, the hornless, were having an affair. This resulted in the birth of Michael. Kids did not grow horns until they reached 5, thus it was impossible to tell horned kids from hornless kids. When Michael was born, he was born into Miriam's family and Thomas wanted nothing to do with the kid. Miriam was paid huge loads of Wyvil grass (a rare type of grass) to remain silent about the incident.

However this was threatened by the fact that there was a 50% chance that Michael might grow into a horned goat. Michael grew up as a hornless and Miriam oft told him that being horned or hornless didn't determine who he was, but what he set himself out to do. So from a young age, he wasn't bothered with social status.

His friends on the other hand, wanted to be horned so much that sometimes they'd take snails' shells and stick them to their head with oak sap, pretending to be horned. Michael usually couldn't be bothered with this. But the other kids knew that no matter how much they wanted it, they couldn't grow horns. Their parents taught them that since they were young. When Michael was 5 and a half, what happened shocked him and Miriam. He was beginning to grow horns. Michael was obviously not bothered with it, although quite curious but he didn't let it determine who he was. He wasn't interested in the whole horn deal. But since he had horns, he used it to his advantage.

Eventually Michael didn't grow up to become what he was supposed to be - living as a horned goat, but as a hornless goat with his mother.

So this is my answer to Henry and Shun. Good night.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I'll punch you in your face.

Today was supposed to be exercise-in-the-morning day, which apparently totally slipped my mind. I woke up at 8 and just went on to do my stuff before going to school, late. Odd day today, which I shall not recount because I'm too lazy. But I got my REMT arrangement kind of confirmed, and POD 1 is still on my procrastination list. I'll do it tomorrow, I promise.

I'm gonna record guitar for my POD 2 assignment on Thursday. Hope I can get it done on that day so that I don't have to redo it again. I should record the drums first, but what the heck. I'll just get the acoustic guitar done first since I don't have a demo. I realized there's still songwriting assignment from last week to complete. Damn. Have to do it tomorrow.

I'm kinda lazy to continue blogging, so I'll just end this with my usual unusual stories. Treat it as bedtime stories, it'll help you to sleep.

A lizard was roaming across the little desert town of Sandsville searching for a competent opponent to duel with. He had killed 28 other lizards in the past 3 days and his trusty pistol's bloodlust was not yet satisfied. He hungered for a challenge; he hungered for death.

Suddenly there was a shout from behind. He spun around, hand already ready to draw his pistol. It was the Spider, the most wanted criminal in the Midwest. It was said that Spider could wield 4 pistols and use them perfectly with pinpoint accuracy. He could shoot 4 targets from a distance and hit them all at the same time. The lizard was not afraid, perhaps his time was finally near.

 Without saying a word, Spider drew a single pistol and pulled the trigger. The lizard, without missing a beat, fired back and both bullets met head on and fell onto the ground. Spider grinned, however it is that spiders smiled, he knew the lizard's one pistol was no match for his 4. He quickly drew his 3 remaining pistols and fired 4 shots. The lizard managed to fire out 2 shots but he was hit by the remaining 2. He fell dead to the ground. The bullet and caught him in his left eye and forehead. 

Spider slid his pistols back into their holders and walked towards the lizard. He stood over the lizard, admiring his new victim. He then proceeded to bite the head off of the lizard, and chomped down on his prey. After finishing his meal, he went about his way.

Orianthi Panagaris rules. 
 

Truth Isn't Stranger Than Fiction - It's Just Plain Scary.

So today has been really uneventful for me. Woke up 10-ish, went to school to get a cable and then came home for awhile before going to teach. Only one lesson today so it really was a waste of time going there for half an hour or so. Anyway a question popped into my mind: where does one draw the line for pedophilia? Gender-wise and age-wise as well as what's the limit on the obsession? Because it's funny how women can be obsessed with little boys but men cannot enjoy playing with little girls (even the mention of it sounds wrong). Is it a sexist stereotype? Perhaps the masculine movement should do something about this. Anyway it's just a random question and it's not like I actually like under-aged girls (shudders).

Also today, I finally managed to watch the Zeitgeist and I must say it's very interesting and definitely very thought-provoking. However the facts are very questionable and upon further research, I've found some facts they put forward to be false. The irony is obvious if you know what the Zeitgeist is about. But somethings I definitely agree with and believe. And knowing that all these are happening right under our noses in the ignorance of the people is really frightening, at least to me. It makes me wish that I'd die sooner, and my loved ones. I wouldn't want anyone to go through this. But since I belief in God, I know he'll take us away before the Tribulation...or has it already begun? The end is nigh.

Don't worry, I'm not a raging lunatic who is going to kill everyone I know in order to "save them from the impending doom". I'm not crazy, but who knows what I'll do. My mind and my body doesn't seem to be working together, and I always have this fear that my body will act on it's own accord and that my mind won't be able to stop it. I think that I have weird paranoias, and it's driving my crazy...literally. I should seek help very soon. I hope this means that I don't have to enlist into the National Service.

Life on earth is bleak, everyone knows it but they choose to ignore it. Some people try to find ways out of it but it's only temporary or superficial. It's always easier to analyze the situation from the third-person POV but then it's hard to help people when they think they're right and that they know more than you. And as a friend it's really hard to see them destroy themselves with every poor decision they make. Yet you hope and pray that one day they'll see the light. But it might be too late. I guess the easy way out is always to just distant yourself from them so the hurt won't be so great when the time finally comes for them to face the consequence. But is that really how it should be? Sometimes I wish I could just run away to someplace else that is far away from everything that is tying me down. I want to live a simple Amish or tribal life. I really admire these people. You see the smiles on their faces and you see genuine happiness - true joy, one that is uncorrupted by money and power. They say that the real saying is "the love of money is the root of all evil". I beg to differ - "money itself is the root of all evil - there is no good that comes from it."

A man was walking in the desert. He had been walking for days and days and his water canteen was running out. He looked into the distance and it didn't seem like there were any civilizations nearby. The sun was at it's highest point and it's rays were beating down into the sand and onto his skin. Sweat beaded out of his pores and fell to the ground - Mother Nature was slowly bleeding him dry. Suddenly in the distance, a shadowy figure caught his eye. It grew larger and closer and he squinted to make out what it was - it was a man. Feeling excited he shouted for help and ran towards the man, screaming and pleading for water.

When he finally reached the man, who was riding on a camel, he looked up and saw that it wasn't a man at all, but a demon. The creature had a wide grin spread across his face and razor sharp teeth. His skin green and scaley; his eyes were blazing and piercing. The demon reached out and sunk his claws into the neck of the man and lifted him up above the ground. The man was too weak from the running the struggle. Blood was flowing down his neck and dripping onto the hot sand.

Finally the demon released his grip and the lifeless body flopped onto the sand. The man was dead and his eyes stared toward the sky, his mouth twisted in a scream. His body was contorted, his bones broken. The demon smiled and rode away into the distance.

It's crazy, this world. 

Cauliflowers Are Not Flowers Contrary to Not-so-popular Belief

Hi all. This is Day 2 of my blogging "spree", and I can only hope that this obsession keeps up. I've decided to come up with very clever tag lines for my blog because I am that creative. They probably won't make any sense but neither does anything here, so theres a common theme. I deserve some sort of award for this.

So it seems that Monday is screw-it-I'm-not-gonna-do-any-work-today day for almost everyone. All the guitarists who I've asked for help seem to be extra busy on this particular day. Maybe they just don't want to help and I'm too naïve (yes, it's spelled with an "ï" because it's French and that makes it cool to use it) to know that...or am I? Down with guitarists!! I think I just offended 90% of the world's musicians, if they even know I typed this here at all. So anyway, tomorrow would be record-a-crappy-drum-demo-for-my-POD-2-assignment day. Hoorah!

This weekend has been particularly boring for me, given that I've lost contact with almost all my old friends and have become very VERY distant from my current friends. It's very depressing, but that's life. Nobody likes me anyway. My natural sarcasm tends to repel people. Screw that! Who needs friends.

It seems that there are people who celebrate Halloween but I'm not close to them at all. Maybe I should hang out more with these people, because they seem to have heaps of fun while I sit at home on the computer doing boring things like blogging (to mice elf). My post seems to be very friendship centric, but it's only because on this weekend I seem to be particular aware that I am at home alone...a lot. And I see a lot of people posting pictures of them having so much fun on Halloween with all the dress up shit and I'm not jealous but just wish I was doing something more fun than staying home and wishing I were out...seriously.

I think I have a mild case of bi-polar disorder. Maybe not a "disorder" and it's not the sort that makes me violent for no reason but rather it makes me mildly depressed. However according to medical definitions, I am not depressed because I can still function normally in my everyday activities. So yay for me. I just think I'm depressed but actually I'm not. But who cares, right?

There was a turtle who crawled out of the sea. It was very tiresome and required much effort because the coarse sand and tiny stones and broken shells were rubbing against her belly as she struggled along. Finally she got far enough from the water and started digging. She dug for about 15 minutes until she was satisfied with how deep it was and then she began to lay her eggs in it. After the ordeal she covered the pit and made her journey back into the sea, feeling sad as she left because she knew she'd never see her little turtle babies ever again.

During the course of incubation, while the eggs were lying motionless in the sand, there were people who were trampling all over the beach. The immense pressure caused several eggs to be crushed under the pressure of the weight on them. Also there were hungry crabs who found the nest of eggs and began to feed on them. However there were still about 50 eggs left unharmed and after the 56-day incubation period, the baby turtles began to emerge from the eggs.

A few of them suffocated from digging in the wrong direction and die due to a lack of oxygen and perhaps out of boredom and only 38 baby turtles were left. These turtles managed to crawl out onto the beach and seeing the water they tried to move their flippers clumsily and finally started towards the sea and into freedom.

Some seagulls were perched nearby and they saw the baby turtles struggling like bumbling fools on the sand. One seagull called out to signal that it was dinner time and the flock of seagulls descended upon their unfortunate prey. Of all 38 turtles only 12 were left, and they managed to make it into the waters with minor scratches which resulted from their frantic flailing on the rough sand.

Getting into the water didn't determine their safety. There were seagulls lurking on the beach waiting for weak turtles to be washed ashore. The baby turtles fought against the currents and went into the deep, where all of them save one were eaten up by bigger fish. The lone turtle managed to find other fellow turtles to be with. When she grew up and it was her turn to go and lay her eggs, she bade her husband goodbye and swam to shore. Upon reaching the shore, she was promptly scooped up by some locals and brought back to their kitchen, where she was killed and made into turtle soup.

So son, this is where turtle soup comes from. Now finish it up.

Have a great day tomorrow.