Sleeping

Everybody needs a wake up call. I'm very thankful that God woke me up for the delusional life I was living all these while. Everybody knows that Christianity today is a dying thing. Christians don't act like they ought to; their lives do not exemplify Christ at all. Everyone's all about how God can fit into their lives and how convenient God is to them. We all know that we should sacrifice everything and rid ourselves of attachment to material things and follow God. All these head knowledge reside in the back of our minds and merely resurface and fall back into the deep every time this problem is brought up. But how many people actually realize that they are these types of Christians?

Most Christians always compare themselves to fellow Christians who are worse than them. They see those who sleep in the congregation during sermons, put Bibles on the floor, smoke, and use profanities and they tell themselves they are alright. They are the same people who give awkward eyes to those who raise their hands during worship and kneel down during prayer, and who talk about God on days other than Sunday. They bask in the glory of their own knowledge, often thinking, "I know the Bible from front to back, and I can answer every  theological question people throw at me." They equate knowing about God to knowing God.

I used to be such a Christian. I always look at my peers who say they are Christians and evaluate their lives based on what I see. And I tell myself that because I "know" more, that I am a better Christian than them. Then on Sundays I just sit on the pews and listen to the sermon, while my mind occasionally wanders elsewhere. And after service I can't wait to go home or go out and meet my friends, or if I have a project to do I will use that as an excuse. I never thought of sacrifice; I never thought of doing for God what I don't feel like doing. God only fit into my daily conveniences.

And whenever I talk to friends about God, I think that I'm doing the right thing. I feel a certain sense of pride because I am "spreading the Gospel" to the unsaved. Most of the time resulting up in endless logical debates, weaving in and out of personal belief systems and philosophies. I used to present God as a manifestation of my beliefs, that are congruent with what I think the bible says.

And then I always repeat the mantra of "Christianity is a relationship, not a religion", but never actual treating it like a real relationship. I always think about doing daily devotionals and putting aside time to pray, but never actually got around to doing it properly. And every small "conversation" I have with God during the day, I attribute it to prayer, not knowing that I was just telling God stuff but never listening at all.

I was, in fact, the perfect example of the type of people I used to judge as hypocrites - I was a hypocrite myself. I spent more time on the computer and reading other books than spending time with God and reading the bible. But God woke me up from this sleeping state of absorbing knowledge but not infusing it into my life.

Now that I am more aware of my actions in my day to day life, I can say that I'm trying to walk more closely with God. A lot of sacrifices have to be made, but in my mind I no longer feel any loss on my part but all my actions for God to be gain. I truly no longer have any more attachment to material things like money or any of my belongings. My conscious actions all gravitate toward to contribution to a greater goal and, ultimately, God.

There is this saying that struck me deep in my heart:

"Love begins where obligations end".

Right now my whole life is all about going the extra mile for God to help people. Sure, some things might slip out of my conscious decision to help others, but every opportunity I can I will try to give my all to help people. I believe this is the sort of Christian God wants us to be, not because we should suffer for the sake of denying ourselves of pleasure, but we should give with joy. This is true detachment from material things - being able to let go of things and just let it be.

This might seem like a judgement on all Christians out there, and it should be. You should wake up from your sleep and your comfort in your life and evaluate where you truly stand with God right now. Because the kingdom of heaven is not so simple as to believing you're better than everyone else. The following is a song to sum up everything I'm feeling now.

Why I Am

So I've been getting a lot of people asking me why I'm a vegetarian. It's not something I can explain to you in one sitting and it's not just one incident that suddenly just changed my whole mindset. I never actually sat down and listed out all my reasons why I chose this lifestyle, but since you guys (whoever asked me) want to know, I guess I'll just do it right now.

In order to begin organizing this whole mess in my head of the various reasons, I'll just start from the outside and work my way inward into my personal life. The destruction of our planet is one reason why I decide to be a vegetarian. There are so many negative effects meat production has on the planet, raising cattle, poultry and fishing, it's destroying our ecosystem. In addition to that the extent that farms go through to cut costs, packing animals into small enclosures, mistreatment of animals and ultimately the inhumane slaughtering of these animals. Plus the savagery of eating meat is just quite disturbing.

All the water, land and resources going to animal livestock is just not worth it. And then there's all the disease-causing elements in meat, talk about increasing lifespan. Most people think that the only nutrient you get from vegetables are carbohydrates, vitamins and fibers and very little protein, calcium, and iron. I've not really gone in-depth into studying this but I don't really buy it. Vegetarians can get their need nutrition for a balanced diet from a variety of foods, all of which that don't come with high-cholesterol, and diseases attached to it.

On the topic of the inhumane slaughtering of animals, it's not so much the killing of life that I'm against. What I'm against is the unreasonable and unnecessary killing of life. If I were absolutely against killing, I wouldn't even eat fruits and vegetables. I guess my biggest problem is the treatment of these farm animals. Whether it's for slaughter or even for farming their eggs and milk. For me, eggs is a strict no. I don't care whether it's alive or not, I care that animals have to suffer to give you eggs. For milk, it's another thing altogether. I'm not against drinking milk. In fact, if anything, dairy products SHOULD be in a vegetarian's diet. After all it's absurd to equate milk with life (if that's the case, breast-feeding would be cannibalism). But modern methods of obtaining milk are far from ethical. That's why I try to avoid dairy products as much as possible but not to the point of removing it from my diet. I'll still eat cereal with milk, but I wouldn't eat potato chips with cheese.

I believe that my actions have an effect on the world, no matter how small. Some people call it karma, some call it fate, god, the butterfly effect. I'd like to call it the natural flow of all things. This is the way God made the world. The scientific law of cause and effect is a parallel to everything having a cause and an effect - everything in the physical world that is. There's only one thing which is an unmoved mover, and that is the mind or the soul. Therefore even though my actions may not change the world, I refuse to add on to the destruction of the world. This is one of my beliefs in life, whether it's my livelihood, my religion or my basic everyday actions. I refuse to contribute to the System, I refuse to contribute to the downward spiral of religion, and I refuse to contribute to the collective stupidity in the world. This is how I live.

I believe that I am a spirit with flesh and soul. Therefore I have absolute control over my body and my mind, or I ought to have. So instead of living my life to serve my body, I make my body serve me instead. I take sufficient care of it to prolong my life, but I do not believe I have to serve it's every whim - hunger, fatigue or even sexual desires. My new lifestyle is more than just a physical thing, it's a mental thing. This new diet helps me in my self-control which then expresses itself in other areas of my life, which frees me from the bondage of the earthly desires.

Living healthy also opens a whole new dimension to living. I no longer feel hungry all the time, I can sleep better and my mind also seems clearer. I can stay awake for long hours without feeling tired. Although my sleep cycle is far from normal, I'm trying to switch it back to normal hours. I also feel clarity in my thoughts, I can think and reason better and organize my thoughts much better than before. It might just be a psychological thing, but it works for me.

I believe we were all created to subsist on fruits and vegetables and I would go as far as to say it's morally wrong to eat meat. But I wouldn't impose my beliefs onto other people, as in every other aspect of my life. I encourage people to go vegetarian but I'm not an elitist. There is no better or worse, it all comes down to how you want to live your life. If you want to eat meat, you will only live to face the consequences. I believe that the natural order of things will flow as it will. But just for the record, I don't have a problem with people eating meat, I only have a problem with people who have a problem with me being a vegetarian.

So now since I've addressed my reasons for being a vegetarian, let me go into why I don't see myself ever eating meat in the future. I'd be drawing parallels to Christianity, because "vegetarianism" is more than just a diet for me - it's a whole new lifestyle.

I've had people coming up to me asking me why don't I just be a vegetarian on selected days, and then eat meat on other days. The answer is simple. If you saw someone who was said he was a vegetarian eating meat, what would you think? Likewise if you saw someone who said he was a Christian praying to idols, what would you think? "The key to living is consistency." This is what I've always said and what I live by. If I said I was a vegetarian, but I ate meat in secret. Sooner or later the effects of this meat eating will come out in my life, if someone doesn't catch me it'll be some other thing such as high-cholesterol levels or some disease. This is something I cannot escape from. Likewise if I say that I'm a Christian, but I do "un-christianly" things in secret, sooner or later it's going to come out in my life, and people will find out. Hypocrisy is one of the most dangerous disease among other things in the human heart.

Some people don't get the whole point of being a vegetarian. They try to get away by getting caught in the technicalities of "vegetarianism". They argue over useless things like whether we should eat seafood or eggs or dairy products. I say we should err on the side of caution. Just like most people argue over whether Christians can go to clubs, and smoke and get tattoos. I say stop worrying about these technicalities and focus on the true spirit of Christianity. Most people choose their believes to suit their lifestyles. Whatever is most convenient, they do to make themselves feel better. "I'm a Christian, so I shouldn't steal and murder. But it's difficult not to tell lies, so I won't follow that commandment." Then they come up with various reasons to justify that. Some vegetarians find it hard to not include eggs and seafood in their diets, so they try to justify their reasons for doing so. For me, I adjust my lifestyle to suit my beliefs. If I belief that I shouldn't eat seafood, then I will not eat seafood no matter how tempting chilli crab may be.

Then again some people come up with reasons to justify NOT being a vegetarian, despite all the benefits. They say that being a vegetarian, they won't get the require nutrition they need for a balanced diet. Then they say that it's hard to find vegetarian food around. And then they start to try to convince you to not be a vegetarian too, as if I've never considered it on my own before. Likewise there are people who focus so much on the "do nots" of religion that they fail to see the overall benefits of being a Christian. And when their lifestyle catches up to them, they blame it on everything else - nature, God, people, fate. If you eat shellfish, you will risk getting Hepatitis. If you do, it's only because you ate the shellfish. But it's amazing how most people won't want to face the reality of the situation and they try to find all sorts of alternate reasons as to why they suffer so. These are symptoms of the blind and ignorant.

There is so much to say, but so little time. Being a vegetarian is not just something new in my life, but it's a reflection of my beliefs. So I can say the day that I stop being a vegetarian is the day I finally stop believing in anything else. This is why I am.

Decisions and Commitments

So after much consideration, I've decided to go on a vegetarian diet once again. This time will be much stricter than the last, but of course I won't take it to the point of starvation if I can't find any (real) vegetarian food around. For friends don't worry about me, I'll find my own food if we do hang out.

Don't ask me why I decide to be a vegetarian. I hate answering that question because any answer I give will be a judgement on my character, and most people won't understand anyway. I don't want to give false impressions (good or bad) on me as a person.

Anyway it seems like I'll have to make a few adjustments because it seems there are vegetarian food everywhere in Singapore but Bukit Batok. Most of them say they sell vegetarian food, but they serve eggs, seafood and mock meat (come on, if you want to eat meat just eat the real thing).

Just an update for now. Nothing major.

The Crazy Weather...in my head

Today is one of those days where I don't know what to think. It's like I just wake up and it's the same boring routine of going to the computer and watching YouTube videos, surfing forums and going to Digg to see what's new on current events. Not that I really give a crap about current events. I can say I'm pretty much willfully oblivious to the world around me, not the same as willful ignorance. But I just read up a little bit so that when people talk about it, I wouldn't have nothing to say.

My muse is still on her vacation. Looking forward to my trip down under. It'll be a new experience for me and hopefully Inspiration will find me there and I'll come back to Singapore with a whole new collection of songs and pictures. Might bring my guitar over to cure the boredom. Pack a few days worth of clothes and bring my guitar over, travel like a true musician.

Still unsure of what we'll really be doing there. It'll be my first time to Perth so everything would probably have the novelty factor to them. I guess I'll finally get to experience for myself how boring the place really is, as per what everyone who's been there says.

So I've been trying to stay in these few days too so I can cut down on my spending. As many people know (and still keep asking), I am not currently looking for a job. It's not because I'm lazy or irresponsible. It's just that I have plans for my life right now and there are things I want to get done before I don't have the time anymore. When I get into NS, I might not be able to produce my EP which I have been conceptualizing since Year 2. It's been so long, and I want to get it done. Though some might think that I'm wasting time because I don't write every day. It's because my brain is dry right now. Perhaps I need to get out there and expose my mind to the world again, being cooped up in my room is quite counter-productive.

Maybe I should just go out and read, do some people-watching, and perhaps people-talking. Spend some "me" time. But then again, my finances do not allow me to do so. I have to watch my spending and hope I have enough cash to spend on Australia. I don't want to rely too much on my family if I can. I'm a big boy now.

So I submitted "Moment" to the SOUL Songwriting Competition which is organized by FaithActs and if I remember correctly, the judging/voting will commence tomorrow (or today). I really hope I can win at least one of the top 3 spots (which means extra spending munniez, yeah!). But honestly I don't want it to be a popularity contest, even though I know most people who enter the contest will just ask their friends to vote for them. However, due to personal integrity, I'll just let people know of the contest and vote for whoever they think is the best (which I hope would be mine :D)

It's 6 in the morning and I'm still awake, pondering on important questions in life such as why on earth are there people who think Lil Wayne is a good rapper. Seriously, I've tried listening to his stuff and his rhymes and I still can't find anything good about it. He has no flow (unless you call the way a mud-filled sludge river flows smooth), no skills, and he doesn't even have much witticism. I am confuzzled as to why people even have to debate who would win in a freestyle battle between Lil Wayne and Eminem. Not to be biased even though I'm a hardcore fan of Mr. Mathers, but he's still the best at what he does. I know there's no such thing as best, but you know what I mean. He'd kill Weezy with just 4 bars.

Since I'm on the topic of rap music (apparently I've been told hip-hop and rap are two totally different things), I'd like to give a shout-out to all my favorite rappers out there (although I know none of them would ever read this). The list goes:

Eminem
NaS
Jay-Z
DMX
Mos Def
Jin
Talib Kweli
Vinnie Paz of Jedi Mind Tricks
Immortal Technique
Wu-Tang Clan
and
Lupe Fiasco

I'm going to go sleep now. Enjoy! Hip-hop's not dead! Peace.

Politics

I've always been one to be complaining about the system, how we shouldn't fall into it and all that. Perhaps largely due to a certain person's influence coupled with my laziness. It's not that I'm still against the system or that I've totally changed my beliefs. If I believe in something it's because I usually have strong reasons to do so, it's not because I am closed-minded, it's because I usually try to find out as much facts before judging anything or anyone. I try not to be so quick to judge people. Some might think that just because I've been a Christian for so many years, that I am being closed-minded. It's hilarious to the point that I would just ignore that certain comment.

Anyway back to talking about the system, it's actually much bigger than we would imagine. This system I hate so much is the the political, educational, economical, religious and social system. And it's bigger than just Singapore alone, it concerns the entire world. It's more than what a few protests can change. I was never a person to fight the system, and I wouldn't dream of changing the system. I have no better alternatives to present to people; I personally wouldn't make a good leader. But as I've always said, and the reason why I'm against the system, that the cause of all the world's problems is the human condition, or as the yogis would put it - the body-consciousness of people. It's not something anyone can change overnight, and it's not something that anyone can achieve. You can't change the hearts of people, and that's the reason why the System will always be flawed. That's why I never liked talking about politics and change, solely because I don't believe anything would work.

Instead of talking about changing external things why don't we work to change ourselves first? Michael Jackson's Man in the Mirror speaks precisely and truly on this topic, yet most people just sing the words but don't take it seriously. Talk about revolution is just a bunch of bullshit, there's no point replacing a flawed system with another flawed system without removing the root of the problem in the first place.

Many people are ignorant to this fact and that's why they find it impossible to imagine a heaven; a utopia. Their world view and mindset is limited (intentionally) to what they see around them, the physical world and the world System right in front of them, time, space and subjectivity. They are unable to perceive or accept anything outside their senses, no matter how logical. These people are the true closed-minded people. They talk a lot of air, which have no substance.

When I say the reason why I don't talk much because I believe that if someone has nothing of substance to say, it's better that he doesn't speak at all, I was saying it in half-jest. Everyone just laughed it off, because all their lives they've been taught to speak words of no value; that it's better to be the empty vessel that makes a lot of noise than the wise man of few words. I'm not trying to be pretentious, I just don't subscribe to the post-modernistic world view of ignorance. I refuse to be stupid, to put it bluntly.

Science teaches us about the body, Philosophy teaches us about the mind and Spirituality teaches us about the heart. It is these three aspects that make us who were are, unfortunately most people stop at the first aspect. They think they are just a body, they study science and accept scientific theory as truth. They rely so much on their senses and their lives are merely guided by the natural world around them. They let circumstances decide how they should live their lives instead of taking it by the reins and living as how they should or would. So don't tell me how to live my life, don't tell me to live my life the way you do because that's not living.