I don't really know who to blame. No one's really at fault. The world's just as it is. Everyone's the same, even I'm not excepted from the norm. Everyone wants to be heard....understood. But no one wants to lend others a ear, or a hand. We're all quick to point out others' flaws, and even quicker to voice our opinions. When someone asks "Are you alright?", they actually are thinking of "Ask me if I'm alright."
Sometimes it gets frustrating, when you just want to say something but no one listens. No one agrees with you, and everyone thinks you're wrong without even giving you a chance to try or trying to understand your position. You say something and they reply with a "yes, but.." It's the buts that really just kill you because what they're really trying to say is "Yes I agree, but you're wrong. It's never going to work."
Maybe that's why I always blow up at my loved ones and for friends who are much less tolerant I just redraw and not talk to anyone about anything. I know no one cares, everyone has too much in their lives to care about others' burdens. I get it. But it's not like I don't try. I'm not the best consoler or advice giver, but I do what I can. What's sad is that when everyone's done with you, they just push you aside.
So who's really at fault? Is it my fault for not opening up to others? My fault for relying on others for comfort? Or their fault for not wanting to listen? But life's too short to worry too much about such stuff. I guess the day that I finally break, and possibly run away, nobody would care anyway.
Blog Archive
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Monday, May 24, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Listening..and If You CareTo Listen
We live in a selfish generation, no doubt about it. Everyone's so self-absorbed no one really has time for others anymore. Everyone thinks that they are important and what they have to say matters, that they disregard anyone else. People have opinions, but that's not the problem. The problem is when they think they're the only one with them.
I'm not saying EVERYONE is selfish. I generally disagree with the "selfish gene" theory, that evolution and self-preservation is the reason behind our anti-social behavior. I think that it's because everyone just wants to be heard and understood.
I was reading "The Lost Art of Listening" by Michael P. Nichols this morning. I managed to read only the first three chapters before I had to go meet Audrey. But that book shines a rather important light on why there is so much conflict in the world today. It also explains the importance of listening, and what listening ISN'T.
Everyone thinks they're good listeners, even I did. But after reading the book and re-examining prior conversations with people, I realized how untrue that was. But then looking back in my life, I realized the reason why I am how I am today (anti-social, quiet, etc) is because I felt nobody listened to me. All through the past 20 years of my life, only a couple of people I can say really bothered listening to me. And these people turned out to be the people I really shared my innermost thoughts with. Though at my current moment, I don't exactly have such a friend I can say that I really am able to open my heart to. Most of the time I'm just silent and listening (I admit sometimes I do feign interest though, I apologize to those people who feel that way).
Conflict and communication breakdowns all stem from one problem, poor listening. Most people take in what they hear and then color it with their own thoughts and ideas. And then they fight to express these ideas. Conversations nowadays, I find, is more of each person trying to fight for a chance to speak than actual listening. When someone recounts a depressing moment during their day, the other party, more often than not, just replies with a similar situation that happened to them, thinking that by doing so, they are expressing empathy.
Listening emcompasses more than just taking in information, it includes stepping into the other persons' shoes and thinking from their perspective, and showing true empathy. Giving advice that may work for you just goes to show that you're not looking at it from their point of view. Empathy is not something everyone has but it's something that can be developed.
There's so much more from the book that I've yet to read, and I'll try to find the book if possible for my personal perusal. I just want to say that, despite all that I've said in my previous post, I am no longer a vegetarian. I consider it a temporary meat fast. I did a lot of thinking and I realized that the whole vegetarian thing was for naught. Whatever I said I did it for, on second thought, wasn't really what drove me. And in the end what was a personal sacrifice ended up as religious ritual, which was not what I wanted it to become.
I guess it's not totally useless, but I find that being a vegetarian for the sake of being one is not what I want to do. I personally do not have any qualms for eating meat, and most certainly am not against killing for food. I am, though, against mistreatment of animals, and killing for unnecessary reasons, like for sport or vain fashion (fur, leather).
If you really are interested and want to understand me better, you can ask me. But be prepared to listen, because I am only willing to share if you are willing to listen.
I'm not saying EVERYONE is selfish. I generally disagree with the "selfish gene" theory, that evolution and self-preservation is the reason behind our anti-social behavior. I think that it's because everyone just wants to be heard and understood.
I was reading "The Lost Art of Listening" by Michael P. Nichols this morning. I managed to read only the first three chapters before I had to go meet Audrey. But that book shines a rather important light on why there is so much conflict in the world today. It also explains the importance of listening, and what listening ISN'T.
Everyone thinks they're good listeners, even I did. But after reading the book and re-examining prior conversations with people, I realized how untrue that was. But then looking back in my life, I realized the reason why I am how I am today (anti-social, quiet, etc) is because I felt nobody listened to me. All through the past 20 years of my life, only a couple of people I can say really bothered listening to me. And these people turned out to be the people I really shared my innermost thoughts with. Though at my current moment, I don't exactly have such a friend I can say that I really am able to open my heart to. Most of the time I'm just silent and listening (I admit sometimes I do feign interest though, I apologize to those people who feel that way).
Conflict and communication breakdowns all stem from one problem, poor listening. Most people take in what they hear and then color it with their own thoughts and ideas. And then they fight to express these ideas. Conversations nowadays, I find, is more of each person trying to fight for a chance to speak than actual listening. When someone recounts a depressing moment during their day, the other party, more often than not, just replies with a similar situation that happened to them, thinking that by doing so, they are expressing empathy.
Listening emcompasses more than just taking in information, it includes stepping into the other persons' shoes and thinking from their perspective, and showing true empathy. Giving advice that may work for you just goes to show that you're not looking at it from their point of view. Empathy is not something everyone has but it's something that can be developed.
There's so much more from the book that I've yet to read, and I'll try to find the book if possible for my personal perusal. I just want to say that, despite all that I've said in my previous post, I am no longer a vegetarian. I consider it a temporary meat fast. I did a lot of thinking and I realized that the whole vegetarian thing was for naught. Whatever I said I did it for, on second thought, wasn't really what drove me. And in the end what was a personal sacrifice ended up as religious ritual, which was not what I wanted it to become.
I guess it's not totally useless, but I find that being a vegetarian for the sake of being one is not what I want to do. I personally do not have any qualms for eating meat, and most certainly am not against killing for food. I am, though, against mistreatment of animals, and killing for unnecessary reasons, like for sport or vain fashion (fur, leather).
If you really are interested and want to understand me better, you can ask me. But be prepared to listen, because I am only willing to share if you are willing to listen.
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