World of Chaos

Feeling damn messed up right now. I'm the rope in the tug-of-war battle between God and the devil, but it seems God isn't doing anything. I know what I should do, but I don't want to fight anymore. I just wanna stop everything - the parties, the work, the stress..

damn it all. when will Death come to claim me?

From the Mind to the Self; From the Self to the Truth.

An interesting paradox I thought of that I just have to share it here before I sleep. It's most likely that it's not an original thought, but this isn't something I read but thought about. I bet some other philosopher has posed a similar question already. So here goes.

Is truth unchanging? If truth is subject to change, then how can it be true. How can I then say it is true, if the next moment it's not. It is easy to therefore conclude that something can only be true if it never changes. Yet we can observe that anything that exists in time and space will undergo change. Time brings inevitable change to everything. Therefore can we conclude that nothing that exists in the physical world is true? Is nothing we observe with our five senses true? This is the argument of the subjectivists, that everything is just perception and nothing, in fact, exists. But if that is the case, how then can we say that things like beauty, goodness and truth exists? If everything is mere perception, does a leaf stop being green if there's no one there to see it? Does a sunset stop being beautiful if there's no one there to see it? What then is this variable, this object that we can experience but cannot explain. But perhaps the crux of the matter is whether Truth is subject to change or not. Some people say that Truth changes, but yet this poses a paradox because to say that as a truth in itself would not make sense. So one moment truth changes and the next truth is unchanging? How is that possible? How then can you say that it is true that truth changes, if it becomes untrue later? Therefore I believe that  the answer to it all can be summarized into the following statement: Truth is God, and God is Truth; and God never changes.

Cats are Evil..

If you ever noticed how cats behaved, you'll realize how similar they are to women. Almost every aspect of them have a comparable female human counterpart. Here are some examples:

1. Cats have many different ways of communicating. They change the pitches and tones of their meows so they can make you do their bidding. Proof here. In fact, some studies show that a cat's cry for attention is quite similar to that of a human baby's cry, in terms of frequency. Coincidence or evil feline genius? Women also behave rather similarly, using a process we call Age Regression to get what they want. Most women act like children (note: sulking, whining, and acting like sweet little babies) when they want attention. And being well-trained animals, we respond (almost immediately) to their every whim, not only because it's annoying, but because it triggers our instinct to nurture anything that sounds like a human child. Talk about manipulative.
2. Cats like a challenge. They like to chase after things that run away from them and jump after string that they cannot reach. The more you push them off your lap, the more they want to get on. When you're busy, they want to play; when you want to play, they're busy not wanting to play. And the moment they get what they want, they leave it's dead, rotting carcass lying on the ground and move on to other things. Sounds similar? Women like "bad boys" who don't care about them. They always want the guys who don't seem to care about them, in hopes of conquering him and then moving on to something more challenging. The more validation you give them, the less of a prize you become. They no longer want your attention if it's something they can have by just whining a little.
3. Cats, like women, give "shit-tests" to their male owners/ partners all the time. Though cats take it a little too literally. Aside from covering up their crap to avoid detection from predators, they also do so to avoid challenging the alpha male of the group. So when your cat doesn't bother to cover her shit, what else can it mean? She's marking her territory and showing you who's boss. So the next time your cat takes a crap on your bed, you have to take a crap on theirs to show them who's boss. Women's shit test is a little harder to detect, in fact it's so subtle that most men fail to see them. Women are programmed to weed out the potential suitors from the rest of the needy guys out there who are more than willing to please her. And as we saw from the above, women love men who are a challenge. So they play all sorts of games and tests to see how fast you give in. So for the guys out there, here's how to handle shit tests.
4. Needless to say, both cats and women leave their fur EVERYWHERE.
5. When a cat comes up and rubs it's face and body against your leg, most people take it as a gesture of adoration and think nothing more of that. But most don't know that it's actually a declaration of ownership; like the cat is telling you "I own you, b@%ch!!". Cats have glands that secrete pheromones that they use to communicate to other cats on important things like identity, territorial ownership, etc. So when a cat comes up and rubs itself against you it's basically leaving it's scent on you, and telling other cats that you're theirs. Women are also cunning like that. Most men think that women wear perfume to smell good, but in actual fact, they wear perfume to mark their men when they cozy up against them. Some leave more obvious marks like lipstick marks and bites, and others just plain cuddle up against you in public to ward off other females. So, guys, be wary of them. On a side note, head-butting is a sign of affection in cats. So if you want to tell your women you love her, just give her a nice solid head-butt. She'll love you for it.
6. Cats are pretty high-maintenance. Unlike dogs who just need a nice chewy bone or a ball, cats need all sorts of toys like remote-controlled mice, scratch posts, soft kitty beds and litter bins. The same can be said for women. They both drive you nuts, and make you pay out your nose to keep them happy.
7. People mostly think that cats are usually just grooming themselves because they're really concerned about cleanliness, but there is a hidden explanation to that. Cats hate the "stench" of humans to the point of obsessively trying to rid everything they own of your smell. Like I mentioned before, cats have glands that secrete pheromones onto things and leave their scent. That's why they always lick themselves extensively when people start petting or stroking them. And sometimes this obsession gets way out of hand. Cats sometimes start to take a piss on everything, especially if it's the scent of someone new in an effort to get rid of that person's stink from their territory. Women are also like that in the sense that they always try to clean EVERYTHING, from the floors to windows to stoves to whatever they can get their hands on. Especially when you've been living alone for years and suddenly a woman moves in and everything changes. It's in the genetic coding to rid their new territory of anything that "reeks" of you in order to show you who's boss. Suddenly the stain on your couch is gone, or worse, the entire couch is thrown out. Because your stench is unbearable to them. Talk about obsessive.

Building a Life; Destroying Another

What have I done? I shouldn't have dragged them all in; most of all him. And now I feel like crap; I feel like a sinner; I feel like the devil. Just one moment, one decision and everything came spiraling down. People read about the past to prevent mistakes in the future, but I guess when the time actually comes you don't actually realize it. It's not that simple to salvage the situation. How can you help those who don't want to be helped; how can you save those who do not want to be saved? I guess I finally understand God's position. He wants to help us so much and gives us a lifetime of chances to change, but some people are so stubborn and happy in their sinfulness that they reject help. All I can do now is pray for these people.

All I wanted was to build a life, to become more confident. To be a better person, to finally be happy. When you meet people who share the same goals as you, you just get excited and overlook the negative consequences. I'm a changed person, most definitely. Not the introverted guy I used to be. There's still a little bit of my old self left in me, but he's slowly dying away. But in whatever I do, I always look to God to keep me in check - and he hasn't let me down so far. Not so much for other people though. I just feel sick that all this is happening and it's my fault. God help us.

All I can do is to wait for time to pass until everything tides over and I hope it turns out for the better, because I would hate to be the one who destroys someone's life, even though unintentionally.

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Why do people accept this life of duality? Ups and downs; sadness and happiness? Most people are resigned to the fact that sadness and evil is inevitable; that when life's at it's highest, something bad is around the corner. Living such a life to me is really sad. I believe that there is a singularity in heaven, and I'm looking forward to it. It may be a concept that I will never understand but I have faith that it's a good place to be. Where I can be happy without knowing that sadness is lurking nearby.

How can you be truly happy if you know that your happiness is fleeting, and that it just takes a single unfortunate event to happen for it to disappear. I want to experience Joy, in good and bad. Knowing that no matter what happens, I'll still be happy - that's Joy. The fruits of the Spirit are Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-control. These are non-dualistic characteristics that I strive for. Only then would I truly enjoy living. But perhaps they only exist in heaven. I don't know.

Sometimes We Just Have To Walk Away.

Life's a very funny thing. Sometimes opportunities stare at you right in the face but no matter how much you want to jump at it, you just can't. People always say "just go for it" but more often than not it's not easy like that. I guess every situation is different. But the problem is when the opportunity comes again and the time is not yet right, and you're running away but it chases you. But when the time is finally right to take the chance, the window is gone and you're left hanging, thinking about how you should have taken it when you had the chance and then regretting for the rest of your life.

Life's a very funny thing. We've been living for 19 years and many more to come (I hope) and yet no one has even come close to understanding what life or being alive truly means. Most don't care to think about such questions (choosing to live for the moment - the irony), most look in the wrong places and end up dying without any answers, the rare few come close to understanding it's meaning only to find out that it's impossible. Perhaps God hides it from us for a reason, the systematic complexity of life is enough proof that the universe could not have been created out of nothing.

Speaking about God, it seems I've been ignoring him for quite a while now. Perhaps it really is time to just cool down and have some quiet time. The party life is sucking my soul away one late night at a time, and it's literally killing me. I can see that life without God will never turn out good, it's something I understand but somehow the flesh just rejects his goodness. It's sad that the flesh and the spirit will always be at war until the day we die. Is there anyway to reconcile the body, soul and spirit? Or are we doomed to fight an inner battle every day of our lives? The body desires earthly pleasures; the soul, intellectual pleasures; and the spirit, emotional pleasures. I guess restrain is key here to a happy life, or perhaps transcendence would be healthier. I've overcame many demons in the past and for every one I've killed, another has risen up stronger to drag me down.

Who can tell me what life is?

Life is Actually Pretty Fun...

So POD 2 is done, now I have to rush my POD 1 to send to Erica (gasp!) and Arranging Assignment (gasp! x 2). I need to buck up seriously. Missed REMT class today, pretty bummed out. I wanted to show Geoff my POD 2. Oh well, I'll just prepare myself for the criticisms during the presentation. Work aside, I've been enjoying life quite a bit with my good friend Si Hao.

But looking back I guess there are actually a lot more fruitful things that I could be doing - like reading, doing my work and doing my devotion/ meditation. There's been a lot on my mind recently and partying kind of just blocks them out for a while. It's fun, but very tiring.

So my question of the day: Is beauty and goodness subjective or objective? I've wrestled with this question and finally got my answer but I'm not going to share my views on this now. I'm a universalist (in a very loose sense), my beliefs and knowledge are mostly based on the existence of Truth. Subjectivists to me are people who don't want to take responsibility for anything, and most subjectivists are not consistent people too - which leads me to question their credibility most of the time.

It's good to sometimes just sit down in a quiet place and think, few people have the patience to do that now. How I wish I were living in Ancient Greek.