Cats are Evil..

If you ever noticed how cats behaved, you'll realize how similar they are to women. Almost every aspect of them have a comparable female human counterpart. Here are some examples:

1. Cats have many different ways of communicating. They change the pitches and tones of their meows so they can make you do their bidding. Proof here. In fact, some studies show that a cat's cry for attention is quite similar to that of a human baby's cry, in terms of frequency. Coincidence or evil feline genius? Women also behave rather similarly, using a process we call Age Regression to get what they want. Most women act like children (note: sulking, whining, and acting like sweet little babies) when they want attention. And being well-trained animals, we respond (almost immediately) to their every whim, not only because it's annoying, but because it triggers our instinct to nurture anything that sounds like a human child. Talk about manipulative.
2. Cats like a challenge. They like to chase after things that run away from them and jump after string that they cannot reach. The more you push them off your lap, the more they want to get on. When you're busy, they want to play; when you want to play, they're busy not wanting to play. And the moment they get what they want, they leave it's dead, rotting carcass lying on the ground and move on to other things. Sounds similar? Women like "bad boys" who don't care about them. They always want the guys who don't seem to care about them, in hopes of conquering him and then moving on to something more challenging. The more validation you give them, the less of a prize you become. They no longer want your attention if it's something they can have by just whining a little.
3. Cats, like women, give "shit-tests" to their male owners/ partners all the time. Though cats take it a little too literally. Aside from covering up their crap to avoid detection from predators, they also do so to avoid challenging the alpha male of the group. So when your cat doesn't bother to cover her shit, what else can it mean? She's marking her territory and showing you who's boss. So the next time your cat takes a crap on your bed, you have to take a crap on theirs to show them who's boss. Women's shit test is a little harder to detect, in fact it's so subtle that most men fail to see them. Women are programmed to weed out the potential suitors from the rest of the needy guys out there who are more than willing to please her. And as we saw from the above, women love men who are a challenge. So they play all sorts of games and tests to see how fast you give in. So for the guys out there, here's how to handle shit tests.
4. Needless to say, both cats and women leave their fur EVERYWHERE.
5. When a cat comes up and rubs it's face and body against your leg, most people take it as a gesture of adoration and think nothing more of that. But most don't know that it's actually a declaration of ownership; like the cat is telling you "I own you, b@%ch!!". Cats have glands that secrete pheromones that they use to communicate to other cats on important things like identity, territorial ownership, etc. So when a cat comes up and rubs itself against you it's basically leaving it's scent on you, and telling other cats that you're theirs. Women are also cunning like that. Most men think that women wear perfume to smell good, but in actual fact, they wear perfume to mark their men when they cozy up against them. Some leave more obvious marks like lipstick marks and bites, and others just plain cuddle up against you in public to ward off other females. So, guys, be wary of them. On a side note, head-butting is a sign of affection in cats. So if you want to tell your women you love her, just give her a nice solid head-butt. She'll love you for it.
6. Cats are pretty high-maintenance. Unlike dogs who just need a nice chewy bone or a ball, cats need all sorts of toys like remote-controlled mice, scratch posts, soft kitty beds and litter bins. The same can be said for women. They both drive you nuts, and make you pay out your nose to keep them happy.
7. People mostly think that cats are usually just grooming themselves because they're really concerned about cleanliness, but there is a hidden explanation to that. Cats hate the "stench" of humans to the point of obsessively trying to rid everything they own of your smell. Like I mentioned before, cats have glands that secrete pheromones onto things and leave their scent. That's why they always lick themselves extensively when people start petting or stroking them. And sometimes this obsession gets way out of hand. Cats sometimes start to take a piss on everything, especially if it's the scent of someone new in an effort to get rid of that person's stink from their territory. Women are also like that in the sense that they always try to clean EVERYTHING, from the floors to windows to stoves to whatever they can get their hands on. Especially when you've been living alone for years and suddenly a woman moves in and everything changes. It's in the genetic coding to rid their new territory of anything that "reeks" of you in order to show you who's boss. Suddenly the stain on your couch is gone, or worse, the entire couch is thrown out. Because your stench is unbearable to them. Talk about obsessive.