Sometimes Light Makes You Suicidal

Everyday I wake up and I realize I'm still alive. I'm not doing anything important and am just going through mundane routine exercises daily. Perhaps compared to other less fortunate people, I'm kinda better off in my own way. But truth be told, it's not pleasant being me. Sometimes I want to go back to when I was just a kid and shut off my mind. Tell myself to just grow up and be enslaved in the system, it's better to live in ignorance than to live in awareness and in constant torture. The worst of it being no one to share this pain with. I'm glad I have God, but sometimes the body just doesn't know it. The physical world is really a funny thing, I look at everything around me and I wonder what the hell I'm here for. I have something waiting for me, in a better place far away from here, and yet I'm just standing there. I see people walking by and I wonder if they're really happy. I'm still young, and there are a lot of things I don't know. But I see these people and I see bliss in their ignorance, and I feel like crying. Not because I'm sad, but because the world is a dark, dark place. I'm supposed to be the light of the world, but how can I shine if I can't harness and understand how to draw power from the source that would power me.

This post needs to story, for life is a story in itself. Just look around.