Sleeping

Everybody needs a wake up call. I'm very thankful that God woke me up for the delusional life I was living all these while. Everybody knows that Christianity today is a dying thing. Christians don't act like they ought to; their lives do not exemplify Christ at all. Everyone's all about how God can fit into their lives and how convenient God is to them. We all know that we should sacrifice everything and rid ourselves of attachment to material things and follow God. All these head knowledge reside in the back of our minds and merely resurface and fall back into the deep every time this problem is brought up. But how many people actually realize that they are these types of Christians?

Most Christians always compare themselves to fellow Christians who are worse than them. They see those who sleep in the congregation during sermons, put Bibles on the floor, smoke, and use profanities and they tell themselves they are alright. They are the same people who give awkward eyes to those who raise their hands during worship and kneel down during prayer, and who talk about God on days other than Sunday. They bask in the glory of their own knowledge, often thinking, "I know the Bible from front to back, and I can answer every  theological question people throw at me." They equate knowing about God to knowing God.

I used to be such a Christian. I always look at my peers who say they are Christians and evaluate their lives based on what I see. And I tell myself that because I "know" more, that I am a better Christian than them. Then on Sundays I just sit on the pews and listen to the sermon, while my mind occasionally wanders elsewhere. And after service I can't wait to go home or go out and meet my friends, or if I have a project to do I will use that as an excuse. I never thought of sacrifice; I never thought of doing for God what I don't feel like doing. God only fit into my daily conveniences.

And whenever I talk to friends about God, I think that I'm doing the right thing. I feel a certain sense of pride because I am "spreading the Gospel" to the unsaved. Most of the time resulting up in endless logical debates, weaving in and out of personal belief systems and philosophies. I used to present God as a manifestation of my beliefs, that are congruent with what I think the bible says.

And then I always repeat the mantra of "Christianity is a relationship, not a religion", but never actual treating it like a real relationship. I always think about doing daily devotionals and putting aside time to pray, but never actually got around to doing it properly. And every small "conversation" I have with God during the day, I attribute it to prayer, not knowing that I was just telling God stuff but never listening at all.

I was, in fact, the perfect example of the type of people I used to judge as hypocrites - I was a hypocrite myself. I spent more time on the computer and reading other books than spending time with God and reading the bible. But God woke me up from this sleeping state of absorbing knowledge but not infusing it into my life.

Now that I am more aware of my actions in my day to day life, I can say that I'm trying to walk more closely with God. A lot of sacrifices have to be made, but in my mind I no longer feel any loss on my part but all my actions for God to be gain. I truly no longer have any more attachment to material things like money or any of my belongings. My conscious actions all gravitate toward to contribution to a greater goal and, ultimately, God.

There is this saying that struck me deep in my heart:

"Love begins where obligations end".

Right now my whole life is all about going the extra mile for God to help people. Sure, some things might slip out of my conscious decision to help others, but every opportunity I can I will try to give my all to help people. I believe this is the sort of Christian God wants us to be, not because we should suffer for the sake of denying ourselves of pleasure, but we should give with joy. This is true detachment from material things - being able to let go of things and just let it be.

This might seem like a judgement on all Christians out there, and it should be. You should wake up from your sleep and your comfort in your life and evaluate where you truly stand with God right now. Because the kingdom of heaven is not so simple as to believing you're better than everyone else. The following is a song to sum up everything I'm feeling now.