We're all seeking to be happy, that is the chief end of all man. But why is it no matter how hard I try to be happy, I always end up on the other side of the spectrum? No matter how much I try to convince myself to stay happy, life always seems to go the other way. Perhaps I only have myself to blame for all this; it's my fault that all these befall me. If I weren't this pretentious prick and more people-pleasing, perhaps people would like me better. But I guess it goes against everything that I am and stand for.
But I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. The pain is seeping from my soul into my flesh, and it hurts so much. All I need is a friend, but then again I never trust friends to be there when I need them, and I don't expect that from people around me anyway because I can never promise to be there when they need me, if they ever need me.
I'd be lying if I said I don't need friends. We all need to be around others, we need physical connection and emotional support. But when these fail you, there's nothing you can do. The only solution is to numb myself to emotions, but if I had a choice I don't want to. Damn circumstances that force you to do things you don't want to do.
It seems to more I strive to achieve happiness to more she eludes me; the more I seek Love, the more she runs away. Everything just seems to bleak, so black. All I can do is to sit here and stare into emptiness, and just submerge myself into my mind; tuck myself into the corners of my mind. I don't like it there, but it's comforting enough.
I want to believe that there's something good waiting for me on the other side. But the longer I stay awake, the less I believe in it. I wish there was nothing on the other side. I hate playing this game, it's too cruel.
It's white just because.
Monday, March 22, 2010
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Sounds depressing isn't it? Just like a balloon if there is no air in it, it looks depressing. Don't you think so? If the balloon has normal air that we breath in it then it will look good but it will just stay on the ground. But if the balloon has nitrogen (i think) in it, the air from above then it will fly up. So is happiness, I think, is depends on what kind of air is in you. If you have the air that is from above then it can make you fly then you will be happy forever. If you have the air that is from the earth below then you will look happy but only for a while. What am I saying here? Hope you get the message.
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to blame yourself ... but just be who you are. Remember what is your identity in Christ. God wants you to seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you ... Can you believe that? Can you trust Him and His word? "Trust and obey there is no other way... to be happy in Jesus is to trust and obey..." So be puff up in the Lord, I mean boast in the Lord (ha ha) ... not on earthly achievements or things.... Remember I told you before, to be honest, be humble and be happy... whatever it takes .... Micah 6:8b, "To act justly (to be honest) and to love mercy (to be happy) and to walk humbly (to be humble) with your God."